


to live in love and die

by michaels



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), 5SOS
Genre: Lashton - Freeform, M/M, Zombie, Zombie AU, major death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-07
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-24 11:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2579345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michaels/pseuds/michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the virus is taking over luke's body, ashton's trying his best to keep him calm as the poison spreads to every inch of him. he's not got much time left, fuck it, ashton's going to tell luke how he really feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	to live in love and die

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write something simple, so here we go! i wrote this in one go, i didnt take any breaks and currently its 12am. if its shit i apologize. love you all !!

_**preface** _

     It all happens incredibly fast. Not just the “ _incident_ ”, the entire virus itself. It started in July, one person became two, two became four, and now the four boys aren’t too sure if there’s anyone else other than them. Nobody knew how to deal with it—it couldn’t be contained that way.

     There are many theories on how it happened and why, they believe it was created to display just how powerful the government is. They have no boundaries, no limits, and nobody knew how powerful they were until now. _Four_. Four people. Four teenage boys left on this Earth, _alone_. No survivors, no rescue, _no escape_.

     Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford, Calum Hood, and Luke Hemmings were all that was left. If the virus didn’t get them, the inability to reproduce would. Regardless as to if they died or not, the balance in the Earth would never restored.

     You could say it got out of hand, the entire thing, really. It was created to equalize the population, but now they’re just left with four. (They think so, anyways—haven’t seen a survivor in months.) It all kind of backfired, really. And so fucking fast, too.

 

_**present** _

 

     “I’m sorry,” the smallest boy bellowed weakly. “‘m so sorry I wasn’t fast enough.” The pain in his eyes were evident, the other three were just too caught up in everything to notice. “— _wasn’t fast enough_. Not good enough, not strong enough.”

     They’re in a room now, barricaded off from the rest of the world. _Safe_ , for the time being. The other three look at the fourth boy, not knowing how to react. They’ve gone months, together, just the four. Four. Four. Not fucking three, or two, or one. There was fucking **_FOUR_**. Months being safe, months barely hanging on—looking for somewhere to start over. They were going to go to Alaska, _fucking damn it_. They were going to survive, just the four of them.

     “Show us.” Michael doesn’t believe it, the youngest boy is joking. Months have went by and nothing has changed, the routine has been the same. They’re in this _together_ , since the start.

     Luke is hesitant, it’s disgusting—he’s _disgusting_. His hands are shaky, he’s not too sure if it’s from the crying or from his entire body shutting down. He pulls at the collar of his shirt, shifting it to the side to reveal the bloodied bite. It had purple infection exploding out of it, running like train tracks across his clammy skin.

     “Fuck. Oh my fucking god.” Ashton buries his face into his hands and cries. He can’t contain it, his emotions take over him and soon they’re all in tears. “How long?” He asks. It doesn’t look fresh, not at all.

  
     “Day before yesterday.” Hasn’t got much time left.

     It physically hurts them and that’s so damn selfish. Luke’s composed himself for two days, hanging on to the salvation they’re supposed to have. He’s kept quiet while it was eating him alive, it fucking hurts.

     “Why didn’t you tell us, what the fuck, Luke?” Michael’s angry, his eyebrows are knitted together and he’s pacing. “We could have figured this out, could’a found a cure.”

     “We could have helped,” Calum’s trying to breathe. His best friend is dying, has been for the last two days. Ashton’s supposed to be the leader of the group, but he’s far too gone. Calum’s going to have to man up and take the position for now. “Tried to find a cure, could have stopped it from spreading.” He’s even hopeless. “ _Preserved it_.”

     Luke presses his back against one of the four walls the surround them and slides down it, cradling himself into a ball. “I’m sorry. We’re so close to Alaska, so damn close and I blew it.” They’re in Canada now, a little town outside of Vancouver. “Go on, though. I’ve only got a few hours left, then I’m going to be one of them.” He says it with so much hatred, more angry at the fact he’s going to be one of those flesh eating bastards than the fact he’s dying.

     “ _Shit_.” Ashton exhales heavily, feeling like this entire world was collapsing. This wasn’t supposed to happen, _fuck_ , not now, not ever. Not before they got to safety. Not before everyday was like it used to be and not a constant war between them and the undead.

     Minutes pass and you can almost see Luke dying. Can hear it in his heavy breaths, his skin perspiring. They can see him dying, they’re witnessing him decaying and that’s fucking vile. Ashton hates the government, hates everybody in it, hates the fact he can’t change the damage that’s been done.

     It’s awkward in a way that it’s never been with the group of friends. Everything came naturally and they’ve never been in a rut like this, it hurt. Seconds feel like hours and minutes feel like days and Luke is going to expire soon.

     “I’ll stay.” Ashton whispers. It’s his last chance, really. Fuck, he thought he had more time. They all glance to him with weary looks plastered on their sobbing faces. “Michael, Calum, go on to Vancouver. I’ll, — fuck.” He can’t even finish his sentence without breaking down in tears. His chest is burning and his vision is blurry, he feel like he’s going to have a heart attack. “I’ll handle it, I’ll, I’ll do it. _Okay?_ ”

     “—but, no, Ashton, you don’t have to—” Luke tries to protest, but before he can even finish his damn sentence Ashton wipes away his tears and wears a brave face, wishing Luke would have one too.

     “I’ll be okay, alright?” Ashton knows Michael and Calum are going to argue, but he doesn’t fucking care. “I’m the oldest, I’ll take care of it. **_I promise_**.” He talks about Luke like he’s a job to be done and it’s sick, the whole thing was sick. He puts up a rough exterior because if he continues to cry, it’ll just stress everybody out.

     The silence is back, all of their eyes are doubtful and they’re fucking scared. Ashton doesn’t take no for an answer, he hasn’t come this far and earned the respect he has just to be turned down by his own damn friends.

     “Okay.” Michael exhales but no breath comes out, only a soft whine. “— _alright_. If you think you can do it, we won’t stop you. If you don't meet us at our spot, we're coming to get you.” Luke stays silent throughout this all.

     They hug, hug like there’s no tomorrow because there really isn't. Tomorrow will never come without Luke, it’ll just be continuous painful today's. There’s tears and exchanges of meaningful words, Calum’s crying now. Can’t help it, Luke was his fucking best friend. Michael tells Luke he didn’t mean to hate him in school, but he doesn’t regret that he did because maybe if there wasn’t any hate there the love wouldn’t be so strong now.

     “I’ll see you, okay?” Ashton hugs them, just incase. He hates that he’ll see them again, but he’ll be returning without Luke.

     Michael and Calum move the objects that were blocking the doorway, the light shining through for a second. “We love you, Luke-y! Be strong, okay?” They’re crying together and holding each other, preparing for the war out there. The light is gone and the two are left alone.

     “Oh god,” Luke is faced with the bitter reality that he’s dying. Ashton sits next to him, not knowing what to say. An infinite amount of zombie movies could never have prepared him for this moment. “I’m going to be dead in a few hours, Ash..” He can’t breathe, it hurts so much. His whole body is numb. He can’t feel his toes.

     “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Ashton keeps a hand next to the gun that was to his right. He can’t believe it’s come to this, can’t believe a few months ago they were all happy. “I’m so happy I met you, you changed me.” He’s rambling words like he’s drunk because he hasn’t got much time left to say what he’s got to.

     “I’m happy too.” Luke’s blue eyes are getting darker, the purple virus is roaming down his chest area to his forearms. Ashton can imagine it’s got his legs nearly, too. When it’s at his brain, he’s over with.

     Ashton remembers all the happy moments because this one is too painful to live in. “I remember when you were wearing those glasses and those kids were teasing you.” Luke laughs. “—and I said.. Do you remember what I said?”

     “Well I like your glasses, man. Don’t worry about it.” Luke imitates sixteen year old Ashton. He remembers that day, because it’s the day he got some real friends and stopped hanging out with people who treated him like shit and only cared about popularity.

     That means a lot to Ashton, that Luke remembered a stupid thing he said so long ago. It meant something, it must have.

     “—that was only a year or so ago, wasn’t it? That’s insane.” Half of that year was spent running constantly, Luke just didn’t run fast enough.

     They’re exchanging memories, it’s sentimental and they almost forget the fact that one of them is dying and the other is breaking inside. Luke begins to cry again, not at the fact he’s going to be a zombie in a matter, at the fact he’s so fucking happy Ashton’s here right now and he’s been here the entire time. Hasn’t left, not once, not even to take a break.

     “After that day, I clung to you like a little kid. I bet you regret sticking up for me, I’m so annoying.” Luke laughs, brushing a piece of hair back from his sticky forehead. His hand is twitching and then it falls lifeless. He assumed that would happen, his organs are shutting down on the inside. The blood can’t flow because his bloodstream is being clogged with poison.

     Ashton notices, he just doesn’t say anything. He grabs it and holds it and he’s sad because he Luke can’t fucking feel it. Can’t feel how much this hurts and how much he loves him. Luke smiles, throughout all the pain he’s fucking smiling. He can imagine how Ashton’s large hands feel, wrapped around his.

     “Not one bit. Four, Luke, okay? They’ll always be four of us. Three is weird. I hate odd numbers.” Ashton’s trying to lighten things and he prays to God it’s working because he’s shit at comfort. His lip is bleeding, he’s containing his cries because he doesn’t want to scare Luke. He’s fifteen now, Ashton’s seventeen. They were a year younger when they met, but it’s all the same.

     Ashton takes his other hand and removes it from the steel gun, caressing Luke’s pretty face. It had a sick tint to it and the bags underneath his eyes were evident against his light complexion. They were purple, too. Ashton fucking hates the color purple.

     “I can feel you.” Luke can’t hold him back, but it doesn’t matter. “Can feel your skin on mine, it’s amazing.” He feels like a useless paralyzed man, it’s not too long before he can’t move his legs—can barely keep them up now. “I don’t want to not feel you, Ashton. I don’t want your touch to go away.”

    “Fuck,” when Luke talks to him like that it hurts. Times almost up, but he hasn’t got the guts to say what he really wants to. Maybe he shouldn’t, it would just make this so much harder for the two of them. “I’m going to miss you so much, Luke.” Ashtons warmth is spreading to Luke and it’s comforting, Luke’s so freezing. “‘s never going to be anyone else, I hope you know that. It’s you. It’s always only ever been you, nobody’s going to replace you. I promise.” Ashton’s speaking words like he’s on his sixth beer, but he hasn’t tasted it in months. Fuck it, fuck this, and fuck containing how he feels because it’s his last chance to say it.

     “Don’t do that.” Luke is mad, he doesn’t want Ashton to act like this. “I don’t care, find someone. You’ll be okay, you’ll find someone that’ll be a better friend than I was. I’m shit.” He tries to lighten things, but Ashton’s too far gone for friend shit. They’re not fucking friends, they can’t be.

     “I don’t want a friend, Luke. I want _you_.” He’s done it now, confessing to a boy that could eat his brains out any moment now. Luke can feel the heat now, in his cheeks. His leg twitches because that’s all he can really move.

     He falls apart at that very moment. “I hate you, Ashton. So fucking much. Why couldn’t you tell me this before I was dying? Why did you have to wait?” Ashton’s stupid, he’s the fucking stupidest boy to live.

     “I thought I had more time,” it’s a shit excuse. “—didn’t know I’d have to do this. I was going to tell you how I felt when we got to Alaska, not too far from now, when we were safe. I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.” It hurts for him too, so much.

     “How _do_ you feel, Ashton?” Luke wants to know, he’s not going to die without knowing. He tells his damned body to hang on just a little longer because he’s going to hear what he’s wanted to say for so long.

     Ashton forgets all of the words he’s learned and he feels like he never even learned how to speak. Doesn’t know what to say anymore without coming on too strong, or scaring Luke. He’s stupid, he can’t even confess when Luke’s about to die. Fuck, it’s so sad thinking of it like this. If he gets rejected, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. He opens his mouth to speak.

     “I really like you, have for a long time. I think the moment I saw you I thought you were the coolest person ever, I really wanted to be your friend and now I really want so much more than that. I’m out of time, though. Like, why’d you have to get bit? The government is such horse shit, taking you away from me before we even got anywhere. Now we can’t, and I hate myself for waiting so fucking long.” He speaks, but there’s so much more inside. “—no, Luke, I think I love you. _Fuck_ , this is weird. I’m coming on too strong, aren’t I?”

     Ashton glances back to Luke, he’s been silent for a while. He’s scared, terrified to make eye contact with the boy. He mentally hates himself for this, hates himself and is scared. If Luke turns now, he’s too close and he’s dead, too. He doesn’t want to move, though. Can’t find the strength to.

     Luke opens his eyes, he’s crying. Nobody’s ever spoken to him like that, especially not someone he felt the same way about. “No, you’re not. You’re.. this is perfect. This moment, I wouldn’t change it for the world.” Ashton didn’t imagine confessing to him like this, but this is all he’s got so he’s going to make the most if it. “I love you, too, so much. I love you with all I’ve got left.”

     Ashton’s happy, for the first time since this shit has started he’s found the strength to put on a smile. Luke feels the same way and it means something, even though he’s not going to be here they’re not ending things at friends. They’re ending it at almost lovers and that makes things better, somehow.

     “Ashton.” Luke’s legs buckle underneath him. “I can’t feel my legs anymore.” Ashton remembers the atmosphere and what’s going on and he’s scared again. Hasn’t stopped for a second since this shit started. “It hurts so much, I’m so scared. I don’t want to die, not now. Not after you’ve just said this, I want to live and have a normal life and be your boyfriend.” It was taken from him. “Kiss me, right now. Before I’m all gone, before there’s nothing of me left.”

     Ashton doesn’t think, not for a second. In that moment, he forgot to. A years worth of emotion is pushed into a kiss and it’s not enough, it’ll never be enough. It’s wet, there’s tears and both of their chests are so heavy. Luke can feel the kiss, it’s the only thing he can feel. It’s a great last touch, wouldn’t change it for the world. Their lips collide and for a split second, Luke’s entire body has feeling again and he can feel Ashton, all of him at once. “You’ve got to do it, okay? Don’t hesitate. You promised.” Ashton’s confused by Luke’s words.

     When Ashton pulls away, Luke smiles and it’s so pretty, such a pretty last image of him, and then it’s all gone. _Everything at once._

     Ashton sees it, those pretty blue eyes he fell in love with flashing black. He had these last few hours to prepare himself for this, but that wasn’t enough. Nothing would have been enough. “ **Fuck**.” Ashton cries out, seeing his almost lover turn into one of them. He almost can’t move, feels like he’s the one that really died.

     He grabs the handgun and scrambles to his feet, tripping over them, but shakily standing. He looks at him through the scope, at what he’s become. He doesn’t see that, though. He sees the Luke he met a year ago and he can’t fucking do it. Luke’s words echo in his brain and Ashton has to keep his promise, if some part of Luke is still there, he’d want him to have done it.

     He sees the fifteen year old boy with those green glasses and the happy smile and all of those band practices, sees every time they hugged and all the words they just exchanged and their kiss. It all flashes before his eyes, every single memory they shared. He can’t pull it, but he has to.

     Ashton places his finger on the trigger, using his left hand to steady his right. His palms are sweaty and he’s going to kill the person he’s in love with, it was sick.

     He’s crying, more than he’s ever cried in his entire life. “I love you so much, if you’re still there.” He’s got to be, his subconscious doesn’t get affected by the virus. Ashton plays Luke’s ‘I love you’ in his head and smiles.

  
     He pulls the trigger and four becomes three, but not really.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave your feedback below & check out my other lashton one shots!! Xx  
> my tumblr url is sadjectives if you want to contact me there!


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